The Confidence Con: From Avoidance to Action in 3 Steps

Are you running a confidence trick on yourself?

Picture this: You're standing on the first tee of an important round. Your grip feels tight, your swing thoughts are racing, and that little voice in your head says, "I need to feel more confident first." So you take extra practice swings, visualize the perfect shot, repeat your swing cues, repeat your affirmations about preparation—anything to manufacture that elusive feeling of certainty before you pull the trigger.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: you're being conned. And you're both the mark and the con artist.

The Con You're Playing on Yourself

The word "confidence" comes from the Latin confidere—literally meaning "trust" or "with faith." Originally, it referred to trust in others or in relationships. But we've twisted this concept into something else entirely: a feeling we're supposed to summon before taking action.

The problem? Confidence doesn't reliably appear on demand. Making it a prerequisite for action creates an impossible loop:

You can't act until you feel confident...and you can't feel confident until you act.

This loop is a form of experiential avoidance: trying to escape discomfort (uncertainty, fear of failure, nervousness) by waiting for the "right" feeling.

What Actually Works: Values Over Confidence

Here's what I've learned working with high performers: the most effective people aren't necessarily the most confident. They're the most committed to their values, regardless of how they feel.

Instead of asking "Do I feel confident?", ask:

• "What matters to me here?"

• "What action moves me toward that?"

This shift in focus leads to an important realization:

Confidence is a byproduct, not a prerequisite.

Uncertainty is normal, not a problem to solve.

Action creates trust, not the other way around.

Real Confidence: Acting with Faith

True confidence isn't about feeling certain—it's about having faith in the process of committed action. When you act in line with your values despite uncertainty, you're expressing confidence in its original sense: acting with faith in what matters to you.

Here's a helpful way to think about it:

Confidence = Courage + Competence

• Courage: the willingness to act even when you're uncertain.

• Competence: skill developed through repeated, committed action.

Notice what's missing? The feeling of confidence itself. You don't need to feel confident to act—you develop it by acting courageously and building your skills through practice.

Stop the Con, Start the Action

The next time you catch yourself waiting to feel confident:

1. Notice the con: "I'm trying to manufacture certainty before acting."

2. Connect with your values: "What matters most right now?"

3. Commit to action: "I can act effectively while feeling uncertain."

Here's the key: you don't need to feel confident to act effectively. What matters is acting from a place of courage; moving in spite of uncertainty.

Every time you take action aligned with who you want to be, you become more courageous and develop your skills through practice. That's how high performers handle pressure, make decisions, and keep improving - even when the outcome is unclear.

Stop waiting to feel ready. Act from what matters. Step forward courageously. Build your competence.  Do it in spite of your uncertainty.

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