The Confidence Con: From Avoidance to Action in 3 Steps

Are you running a confidence trick on yourself?

Picture this: You're standing on the first tee of an important round. Your grip feels tight, your swing thoughts are racing, and that little voice in your head says, "I need to feel more confident first." So you take extra practice swings, visualize the perfect shot, repeat your swing cues, repeat your affirmations about preparation—anything to manufacture that elusive feeling of certainty before you pull the trigger.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: you're being conned. And you're both the mark and the con artist.

The Con You're Playing on Yourself

The word "confidence" comes from the Latin confidere—literally meaning "with faith" or "with trust." Originally, it described trusting others or having faith in relationships. But we've twisted this concept into something else entirely: a feeling we're supposed to summon before taking action.

Every time you wait to "feel confident" before acting, you're running a psychological con game. You're trying to manufacture certainty in an inherently uncertain world.

When you make confidence a prerequisite for action, you create an impossible equation:

Confidence = Action

This means you can't act until you feel confident, but you can't feel confident until you act. It's the perfect trap, leaving you stuck in endless loops of psyching yourself up, visualizing success, and trying to feel "ready."

All of this is just experiential avoidance dressed up as preparation.

What Actually Works: Values Over Confidence

Here's what I've learned working with high performers: the most effective people aren't necessarily the most confident. They're the most committed to their values, regardless of how they feel.

Instead of asking "Do I feel confident?" they ask "What matters to me here?" and "What action moves me toward what I value?"

This isn't about lowering standards—it's about recognizing that:

Confidence is a byproduct, not a prerequisite.

Uncertainty is normal, not a problem to solve.

Action creates trust, not the other way around.

Real Confidence: Acting with Faith

True confidence isn't about feeling certain—it's about having faith in the process of committed action. When you act in line with your values despite uncertainty, you're being genuinely confident in the original sense: acting with faith in what matters to you.

Here's a better equation:

Confidence = Courage + Competence

Courage is the willingness to act despite uncertainty. Competence develops through repeated committed action. Notice what's missing? The feeling of confidence. You don't need to feel confident to be confident—you need to act courageously and build competence through practice.

Stop the Con, Start the Action

The next time you catch yourself waiting to feel confident:

1. Notice the con: "I'm trying to manufacture certainty before acting."

2. Connect with your values: "What matters to me in this situation?"

3. Commit to action: "I can act effectively while feeling uncertain."

Here's the beautiful paradox: when you stop trying to feel confident and start acting from your values, confidence often shows up naturally. Not as a manufactured feeling, but as quiet trust in your ability to handle whatever comes.

You develop genuine self-trust not by convincing yourself you're capable, but by repeatedly choosing to act when it matters, regardless of how you feel.

The confidence con promises you'll feel better before you act. Real confidence knows you'll act better before you feel different.

So stop running cons on yourself. The only person you're fooling is you—and you're too smart to fall for it much longer.

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